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You are here: Home / At Home / Decluttering Your Home / Areas of Secret Shame

July 6, 2015 by Angela

Areas of Secret Shame

We moved into our home  in 2006. It was our first home and a new build, so we were the first owners. We felt so blessed to have a home after more than a decade of moving from apartment to apartment every year. It was gloriously empty.

I’ve referred to our very cluttered basement in previous posts. The basement has been my husband’s domain since we moved in. He is a true renaissance man – and with his talents and interests came tools, previous projects, current projects, and ideas for future projects. In the 9 years we have been here stuff has accumulated to the point where the basement is an area of secret shame for me. Only very close friends and family members have been allowed down there.

Areas of Secret Shame

Originally, I was genuinely excited for him to have a spot to house these things and a space to work on his projects. I just didn’t realize how much space it would take. There was a large influx of stuff after we moved in because he had been storing these items in several basements across the city.

Neither of us had really planned out the space or thought about doing so. It was a slow accumulation of stuff without deliberate consideration of whether it should actually come into our home. My husband’s immediate answer to storing things was “yes” – “no” was not an option.

In addition, whenever guests were coming over, we would dump everything in a box and bring it down to the basement. It would sit down there untouched until the next basement decluttering spurt. The basement became a dumping ground for things without a clear home.

Grief and Clutter

What about me? Why wasn’t I more involved in the decision process? I’ve thought about this time and realized that in addition to having two young children and the rest of the house to try to organize and maintain, I was also dealing with overwhelming grief. I lost my father right before moving into this house. In the span of two days, we settled on our house, moved our stuff in, and flew out the next day for my father’s funeral.

It has taken me years to be able to address the loss, and then the fallout from the loss. Part of the fallout was not having the energy or motivation to declutter our house, let alone our basement.

Facing our Area of Secret Shame

We are finally at a point where my husband and I are ready to tackle the basement – together. I will be posting before pictures and sharing about the process throughout the months to come. I hope you’ll follow along.

Have you had an Area of Secret Shame in the past or the present? No pictures required!

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About Angela

Wife. Mom to three boys. Writer. Reader. Aspiring Minimalist. Lover of chocolate and fitness. She loves blogging about the ways she is finding success in simplifying life one step at a time. Her mantra is "Progress, not Perfection."

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Comments

  1. Melinda says

    July 6, 2015 at 4:16 pm

    My whole house was my secret shame before I started blogging last Aug. I only let people in for specific occasions, after weeks of cleaning!
    Now I’m able to start having people over with the intense unearthing of the furniture.

    • Angela says

      July 7, 2015 at 9:11 pm

      Thanks for sharing Melinda. That is encouraging!

  2. Liz Larame says

    July 6, 2015 at 4:42 pm

    My basement was my area of secret shame too! I used to think about dying suddenly and how awful it would be for someone else to have to deal with all of that. When I quit my job and finally had my sleep disorder fairly well managed I finally was able to tackle that overwhelming, daunting project. I got rid of SO much!!! It was gross and dirty work from things that were water damaged sitting unaddressed but I eventually got it done and it was as equally satisfying as it had been shameful previously.

    I’m ashamed of my basement again and avoid it because there is a ground water problem that I’ve been too overwhelmed to address. (And terrified of what it will cost to remediate since I am living on a much lower salary than before.) But I just called and made an appointment with a specialist to have it looked at in the next couple weeks! I suspect I won’t be able to afford to have it fixed right now but at least I’ll have an estimate to work towards. I don’t like there to be any part of my house that is not fit for someone to be in.

    • Angela says

      July 7, 2015 at 9:14 pm

      Good job Liz! Basements are so easy to avoid aren’t they? Thanks so much for aharing

  3. MARTE SIMPSON says

    July 6, 2015 at 6:44 pm

    Dearest Fellow De-Clutterer,
    I too can relate. Moved 2009, home sold in a day, 30 day escrow, lived there 30+ years. Moved all thinking we’d do GARAGE SALES like we did in CA. We moved to NV where HOA’s exist!! Well after having 1 at the correct Community time (Spring, Fall) we had 3 people show up. Gave what we put out to charity. Worked daily 6 Am to 12 Midnight unpacking 1000’s of boxes. Still not done…probably 300 left.

    Our movers said “we’ll move your office intact”! Didn’t! 37 years business & 42 years personal undone, still haven’t found all IRS, PR, ph books etc once in chronological yearly order. We also moved to East Coast 2012, i spend half a year back & forth between two residences (health & family accidents).

    But I am so hopeful, encouraged by posts like yours and KonMari, Joy!

    One day we will be in order, & move thru our grief in personal & business losses. I am excited over hearing our understanding of why & our getting thru the chaos to order! One day, room, area, box, shelf, dresser, closets at a time. Sisters in arms, loaded with ideas, pushed up shirt sleeves & downsizing for our health!! We will and can do it!!

    • Angela says

      July 7, 2015 at 9:15 pm

      Marte I love and appreciate your enthusiasm! I’m with you sister!

  4. Stella Lee@ Purfylle says

    July 6, 2015 at 9:44 pm

    I’m ashamed of my whole home. I keep working at it. One day I might get to be proud of my home.

    • Angela says

      July 7, 2015 at 9:17 pm

      Hi Stella Lee, thank you so much for sharing. It’s so important to just start and keep at it. I’m learning that as well.

  5. Bonnie Lyn Smith says

    July 8, 2015 at 9:25 am

    I really needed this post. Thank you! Pinning! Blessings from #EspressosofFaith!

    • Angela says

      July 8, 2015 at 10:22 pm

      Thanks for reading Bonnie! I’m glad it resonated with you!

  6. Anne says

    July 8, 2015 at 9:33 am

    This post really touched a nerve. My basement is my nemesis & so overwhelming I don’t know where to start. Really looking forward to your next posts. Thank you.

    • Angela says

      July 8, 2015 at 10:23 pm

      Thank you for reading Anne. I know the overwhelming feeling!

  7. Rabia @TheLiebers says

    July 8, 2015 at 10:27 am

    We live on one floor of our house and rarely use the upstairs. Five years ago, I had just delivered our third child and was preparing for a joint baptism (for the baby) and birthday party for the mid kid. When it came time to get the house ready, we were so overwhelmed we boxed up everything in the living areas and hid it upstairs in the “guest” room. It is mostly still there to this day, but this summer I am determined to get it cleaned out. We’ve promised it to my daughter as her room and she’s waited long enough! Thanks for letting me know I”m not alone in this!

    • Angela says

      July 8, 2015 at 10:24 pm

      You are definitely NOT alone Rabia. Thank you for sharing your story

  8. Jill says

    July 8, 2015 at 11:15 am

    Thank you for sharing your story! We have a similar area in our house – the third bedroom. We refer to it as The Third Room. When we moved in, it became the dumping ground for everything that we didn’t know what to do with. We have slowly started going through it, but it is slow work. However, we have big plans for the space once it is clear, and that keeps us motivated.

    • Angela says

      July 8, 2015 at 10:26 pm

      Hi Jill! Thank you for reading and sharing your story. It is slow work indeed – but progress, not perfection is my mantra!

  9. Maureen says

    July 10, 2015 at 10:37 am

    Oh Angela! Do I ever! I have shared pictures on my blog awhile ago. It is my old office, also in our basement. It is a “finished” room, but ever since I gave up my second job doing medical transcription, this room has become the “dumping” ground for the stuff no one knows what to do with. Not to mention, it is right off my daughters bedroom, so she uses it as a second “closet” for her shoes, purses, and other stuff she doesn’t have space for in her own room! Following you now so I can keep up on your progress!

    • Angela says

      July 11, 2015 at 11:03 am

      Thanks Maureen! Its encouraging to know others have areas like ours too!

  10. Phyllis says

    July 10, 2015 at 11:21 am

    My basement sounds just like yours. No one and I mean no one is allowed to go down there. I don’t even think people know we have a basement. I’m excited to see how you transform yours. It might (might) give me some motivation and inspiration to get mine done. Good luck to you!!!

    • Angela says

      July 11, 2015 at 11:05 am

      Hi Phyllis, I’m glad to know others have off limit basements. It’s hard to post the before pictures – but that’s coming up next! I hope it does encourage and motivate.

  11. Seana Turner says

    July 16, 2015 at 9:00 am

    Basements, attics and garages are common places where clutter builds up, so definitely NO SHAME in having a mess! The good news is that your husband has come to the point where he wants to tackle the space, and that means you will make good progress. I think it is exciting to anticipate the freedom and relief you are going to feel – can’t wait to see the photos!

    • Angela says

      July 16, 2015 at 9:41 am

      Thanks Seana! I appreciate your encouragement and loves your recent idea about returning the case to the florist! Genius!

  12. rosanne says

    October 8, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    Sharing you story is so encouraging and helps me to get strength to face my house drama, very similar secret shame. Thanks so much!

    • Angela says

      October 8, 2015 at 4:28 pm

      Thank you so much Rosanne. It means a lot to me that it encourages you and you have similar struggles. Thanks for commenting.

  13. Lynn says

    June 18, 2016 at 3:11 am

    WOW.! Its nice to know I’m not alone. A lot of my friends are neat freaks and somehow I was hoping their habits would change me. ( through osmosis ) I can’t seem to get motivated to de-clutter but I realize it needs to be done. It would be nice not to shove things in boxes and put them out of sight when company shows up. One step at a time and I will get it done! Now that’s its in writing , I feel almost committed . Wishing all of us luck in our new and improved TIDY lives.

    • Angela says

      June 28, 2016 at 7:23 am

      Hi Lynn. Isn’t it amazing how powerful it is when we write our intentions down? Yes to luck and working 5 minutes at a time!

Hi Friend! I’m Angela

Welcome to my blog where I write about simplifying life in small, manageable steps and creating healthy habits. You'll find inspiration, practical tips and community here for the decluttering you're doing in your own life. (whether that's physical, mental, or emotional clutter) Thanks so much for stopping by! Read More…

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