Decluttering with Your Spouse: What to do when you’re “Differently Organized”

Decluttering with your spouse can be one of the most frustrating aspects of decluttering your home. Here’s how our family has been working to collaborate in a shared space.

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“Perhaps this person is not disorganized, but differently organized. In other words, there is a method behind the madness that works for him or her though its logic may escape you.” (p. 37)

– Julie Morgenstern, Organizing from the Inside Out

Decluttering with Your Spouse when They are Differently Organized

Can I admit something? Something that may be really obvious to you?

Facing clutter with your spouse or partner is hard…especially when you think it’s clutter and your spouse doesn’t.

Trying to declutter and organize with someone who is differently organized in a way that is affirming of both your needs is time consuming and requires a lot of patience – from both parties.

• It’s easier to ignore the clutter.
• It’s easier to just let your loved one do their thing without getting involved.
• It’s easier to just stop talking about it altogether. Pick your battles right?

But what if…

• What if you could use the “area of shame” in a way that served both of you?
• What if the “clutter” could bring you together?
• What if the “clutter” could increase your intimacy?

“Organizing together is a rare opportunity to learn how the other person thinks, to share goals and dreams, to discover what’s truly important to the other person. You may be surprised by what you find out.” (p. 42)

– Julie Morgenstern, Organizing from the Inside Out

I read Organizing from the Inside Out this past month and have had some aha moments while decluttering with my husband. My husband and I have had some tense conversations these past few weeks, especially after my first Facebook Live in the basement. I started reading it after our tense conversations and she affirmed what my husband already tried explaining to me – his way of keeping his stuff is not going to look how I want it to look.

The way I want the basement to look, is not going to work for him. The way he wants to use the basement, is not going to work for me.

So what’s a family to do?

Communication and Collaboration when Decluttering with a Spouse

My husband is more than willing to plan the space around our family’s needs, so it’s just a matter of us coming up with a strategy that works for all of us.

Initially we thought about splitting the basement in half and we would each be able to have “dominion” over our half of the space. That might work, but after talking some more, we realized that that solution wasn’t the best solution. It didn’t foster communication or compromise.

We don’t have it all figured out yet – but we do know:

• we need space for a punching bag
• we need a dedicated work space for our middle son
• we need a dedicated space for our kids to do artwork and projects downstairs
• space for music
• space for laundry
• space for painting
• space for computer work
• space for seasonal items
• storage space for artwork and future projects that my husband wants to do
• space for tools

I’m actually not sure how we’re going to have all of those activities happening at once down there (it’s a large space – but not that large!), but we’re going to figure it out together.

Asking each other questions, asking ourselves questions, and patiently listening with the intention to grow in our understanding of how the other works.

Will it be hard? Definitely. Will it be worth it? Undoubtedly.

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:

Decluttering with my Husband: 3 Things NOT to say

5 Steps to Decluttering an Overwhelming Space

Do you have a loved one that is “differently organized” than you? Are you willing and ready to have a conversation about your frustrations and hopes? Let me know in the comments!

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